Gone girl: marriage role models


I loved Gone Girl movie and I loved the book even better. Some people may say that the main character, Amy, is insidious bitch or vindictive liar, or both. She checks all imaginable boxes of male insecurities: better educated, makes more money and famous; she compromises, but her husband isn’t grateful, she discovers her husband’s cheating and hides her true feelings, she lies about the pregnancy and then cheats to become pregnant, she manipulates, calculates and gets away with whatever she sets her mind to.

The truth of the matter, she is still the best thing that happened to her husband, Nick. She brings the best out of him. To me, this book is all about power couple dynamic, two sets of ambitions, two value systems: privileged versus self-made, big city versus provincial, free-spirited versus traditional, provocative versus consecutive.

When young people get married, they often have romantic ideas of soul mates and two halves becoming one piece and happily ever after. Love does not conquer all, and families without conflicts are as boring as careers without challenges (not to mention rarely true). In fact, all interesting couples I know don’t stop fighting (obviously not in public, but that’s what gossips are for), they have personalities, reinvent themselves, grow and demand more space, have secrets, negotiate compromises, survive setbacks, search for alternatives… In a very ironic and somewhat conceptual way, Amy and Nick are not psychopaths, they are simply opposite of mediocre and ordinary, opposite of boredom and inertia. Almost role models of how marriage should be.

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12 Responses to Gone girl: marriage role models

  1. bj says:

    Is marriage worth it with all this fighting and compromising? It’s easier just to find new exciting partner every 2-5-10 years, at least for people who have options

    • Yana says:

      Maybe it’s a question similar to changing a job: if it stimulates you and challenges you and gives you new opportunities, you won’t look elsewhere, right? But unlike jobs, changing partners is expensive and time consuming, plus not necessarily good for the children. I think. It’s probably worth fighting and redefining if you know that you both want the best for each other and make each other a better person.

      • bj says:

        “if it stimulates you and challenges you and gives you new opportunities”

        Can one person be that for decades? I guess it’s very individual, but in most cases people are settling, because they didn’t find better option and “changing partners is expensive and time consuming”

      • Yana says:

        It’s possible that both partners grow and fulfill each other. I think a lot of people settle for less perfect jobs or partners because of inertia and false sense of security.

  2. beburberry says:

    Hi, Yana,
    I’ve been reading your blog since it was on Russian and I still find your career story inspiring and great.

    Could you please tell whether you plan to resume the practice of advising other women on how/where to move their career path?

    Thank you!

  3. kastasya1 says:

    I’ve done it! I mean I finally read all your journal:))) thank you!

    Stanislava, Saint-Petersburg

  4. I have seen the movie and now regret not having read the book first. Would you still recommend reading although the plot will not be that exciting?

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